Posted by: theworldisretarded | May 19, 2009

No means yes, yes means anal

PORCUPINE TAKES REVENGE ON TOURISTS BREAKING SEX LAWS

I don’t know how credible this “Russian Today” website is, but I don’t even think you could make this shit up. Two tourists from St. Petersburg were visiting Florida, when they apparently got wasted and decided to eff a porcupine….even though that is strictly forbidden by Florida law.

Of all animals to NOT eff, a porcupine seems like a no-brainer, right up there with a bull, crocodile, and Sarah Jessica Parker. Why this would even need to be a law is completely beyond me, but I digress.

Anyway, this porcupine decided she (he?) wasn’t in the mood to be Eiffel Tower’d by a couple of shitfaced Communists, and she/he let them know.

The newspaper didn’t go into technical details about what happened next, but the next day both men, who spent the night taking a flight to Los Angeles, had to go to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. The diagnosis was hardly unexpected: porcupine needles in the genitals.

The damage caused by the porcupine fighting for its honor was horrific. Both Anton and Evgeny had severe inflammation and nearly lost their private parts. At least they didn’t have to answer to the law, having left Florida before seeking medical help.

So to review, these 2 double-teamed a porcupine, mangled their junk, and flew from Miami to Los Angeles with porcupine needles in their dicks BEFORE going to a hospital!!

VERDICT:
i’ve gone entire flights having to take a shit or sitting next to a fat guy. i once threw up all over myself 2 hours into a 20 hour trip back from australia to the US. another time i watched the fucking notebook because that was the only movie being shown on the flight. but none of that can possibly compare to a cross-country flight with porcupine needles stabbed into your balls. that is fucking retarded

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