Posted by: theworldisretarded | April 14, 2009

Woody

**After a bit of a hiatus from updating this kickass site for no good reason whatsoever, I have been inundated with pleas and pathetic begging to continue blogging by my countless fans and followers. And by countless fans and followers, I mean Krista. And away we go…

WOODY HARRELSON CLAIMS HE MISTOOK PHOTOGRAPHER FOR ZOMBIE

woody-harrelson-mugWoody Harrelson was walking through La Guardia Airport with his daughter the other day, when a paparazzi dude started following him and taking pictures. Woody flipped out, smashed the dude’s camera, and shoved him in the face.

Normally this wouldn’t be very big news. I mean, who wouldn’t get a little pissed if you just landed at shithole La Guardia and some faggio was following you around with a camera. But, Woody’s reasons for fighting back are completely fucking retarded.

Woody explained, “I wrapped a movie called Zombieland, in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character. With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie.”

First of all, who knew “paparazzo” was even a word? Secondly, umm what the fuck are you talking about Woody? You “quite understandably mistook a cameraman for a zombie”? How does that work? Good thing you didn’t try to drive a wooden stake through his skull.

I’ll admit I don’t know what the premise of Zombieland is, but you’d think a guy who just finished filming a movie about an entire land of zombies would have some experience in taking those fuckers out. And I’ve seen Dawn of the Dead enough times to know you don’t kill zombies by smashing their cameras. Any jabroney worth his weight in salt knows you gotta aim for the domepiece and either bash their fucking brains in or blow their fucking brains out.

VERDICT:
if i’m woody harrelson, i don’t make up an excuse this retarded unless i actually believe it, in which case i might be fucking nuts. but after browsing his biography page on imdb (father sentenced to 2 life sentences for judge-murder, recovering sex addict, vegan, pot activist, had a song written for him by hootie and the blowfish – yes, the hootie and the blowfish), woody harrelson might actually be the coolest motherfucker around

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