Posted by: theworldisretarded | March 25, 2009

Back seat, windows up, thats the way he likes to F his car

I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR

Don't worry ladies. Unless you have anti-lock brakes and side impact air bags, this guy wants nothing to do with you.

Back off ladies. Unless you have anti-lock brakes and side impact air bags, this guy wants nothing to do with you.

For some reason, Jordan Witham not only let it be known that he fucks his car, but he let himself be interviewed about it. And when I say he fucks his car, I don’t mean he bangs chicks IN his car, or that he’s a bad driver and fucks UP his car. By fucks his car, I mean that he has penis to tail pipe intercourse. Yep. You just read that in a sentence.

And his Dad knows about it. And he named his car Ingo. Now enjoy the highlights.

-“I don’t fancy people. It’s cars that do it for me – I don’t want to marry or have kids.”

-“I could feel myself falling in love while I worked on Ingo. I once became so aroused, I started rubbing her bodywork and masturbating. It didn’t feel strange, just really exciting. After a few minutes, I felt a desire to connect with her further, so I had penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.” (Note: WHOA!!)

-“I don’t always have sex with the car. Sometimes I stroke and kiss her bodywork, or rub myself up against her. If I’ve just been driving her, I have to wait for the exhaust pipe to cool down before I have sex. And I always use a condom because of all the dirt and dust inside.”

-Jordan, who also masturbates while reading car magazines, has spent over £2,500 refurbishing Ingo.

-Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship. Jordan says: “He’s very masculine. When I first bought him, I felt like I was cheating on Ingo, but now we all work well together.” (Note: Uhhh…..what?)

-“I have sex with Ingo more than Todd because Todd is kept in the driveway, not in the garage. I have to sneak outside in the middle of the night to have sex with him.”

VERDICT:
ingo?!?

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