Posted by: theworldisretarded | March 18, 2009

10 Fuck My Life’s to Send to Your Friend With a Serious Job That Might Get Them Fired

From fuckmylife.com

-Today, I was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class. The only criteria for the class was that I not move at all while being observed. After a few seconds I noticed a really hot girl drawing me. I got a hard on. Fuck my life.

-Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said “Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I’d rather eat these.” Fuck my life.

-Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, “What the fuck is your fucking problem asshole!? Get a fucking life shithead!” and hung up. Then the pastor’s wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. Fuck my life.

-Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so i stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that i’m a whore. Fuck my life.

-Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we proceeded to have sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, “Quiet down. Even your father can tell your faking.” Fuck my life.

-Today, I had a gymnastics meet. I thought I was done with my period, but when I was up on the beam warming up my routine, one of my coaches called me down and told me that I apparently wasn’t. My coach goes around asking my teammates moms if they had any pads. My dad caught this all on tape. Fuck my life.

-Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she started moaning and breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot and was about to cum. Unfortunetly, she soon said, “I’m bored, let’s play a board game.” She was sighing, not moaning. Fuck my life.

-Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying “U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo”. Fuck my life.

-Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediatly ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said “Bermuda, 1989”. They’ve told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I’ve seen my own conception. Fuck my life.

-Today, I was performing the classic 69 position with my girlfriend. I wasn’t able to control it. I farted right into her nose. Fuck my life.

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